Amelia Kate Richardson I’ll never forget the first time my therapist suggested I try progressive muscle relaxation. I was sitting in her office, my shoulders practically touching my ears, my jaw clenched so tight it ached. “Amelia,” she said gently, “your body is holding onto all that anxiety like it’s preparing for battle. What if we taught it how to let go?”
Honestly? I was skeptical. I’d tried deep breathing, meditation apps, even coloring books—all the things people recommend for anxiety. But this technique she was describing sounded almost too simple. Tense your muscles, then release them? That’s it? But here’s what I’ve come to understand over the years: sometimes the most powerful tools for managing anxiety are the ones that work directly with our bodies, not against them.
Progressive muscle relaxation became one of my go-to practices during my hardest seasons of anxiety. And the beautiful thing? It’s something you can do anywhere, anytime—no special equipment needed. Just you, your body, and a willingness to pay attention to what’s happening beneath the surface of all that worry.
Understanding Why Your Body Holds Tension
Before we dive into the how-to, let me share something that changed my perspective entirely. When we’re anxious, our bodies don’t distinguish between a real threat and a perceived one. That presentation at work? Your body responds the same way it would to a bear chasing you through the woods. Wild, right?
This stress response causes our muscles to tense up, preparing us to fight or flee. The problem is, most of our modern anxieties don’t get resolved through physical action. We sit at our desks, we lie awake at night, we scroll through our phones—all while our muscles stay locked in that defensive position. Over time, we don’t even realize we’re carrying this tension anymore. It becomes our new normal.
I used to joke that my shoulders had taken up permanent residence near my ears. My husband would gently press them down, and within minutes, they’d creep right back up. I wasn’t consciously tensing them—my body had just forgotten what relaxation felt like.
This is where progressive muscle relaxation becomes such a gift. It teaches your body the difference between tension and release. And in doing so, it creates a physical pathway to calm that your anxious mind can follow.
What Progressive Muscle Relaxation Actually Does
Progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR as it’s often called, is a technique developed by physician Edmund Jacobson back in the 1920s. The basic premise is beautifully simple: you systematically tense specific muscle groups in your body, hold that tension for a few seconds, and then release it completely.
What happens during this process is pretty remarkable. When you deliberately tense your muscles and then let them go, they actually relax more deeply than they were before you started. It’s like the physical equivalent of that deep sigh of relief you feel when something stressful finally passes.
But here’s what I love most about this technique—it gives your anxious mind something concrete to focus on. Instead of spiraling through worry after worry, you’re directing your attention to specific parts of your body. You’re creating a deliberate pause in the anxiety cycle. And in that pause, there’s room for peace to slip in.
I’ve found that progressive muscle relaxation also builds body awareness. Before I started practicing PMR regularly, I had no idea how much tension I was carrying in my jaw, my forehead, even my toes. This technique taught me to notice the early warning signs of anxiety building in my body, which meant I could address it before it escalated into a full-blown panic attack.
The Spiritual Dimension of Physical Release
Now, I know some folks might wonder what a relaxation technique has to do with faith. Let me share what I’ve discovered through my own journey.
Our bodies are gifts from God—temples of the Holy Spirit, as Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 6:19. When we care for our bodies, when we help them release the stress and tension they’re carrying, we’re honoring that gift. We’re creating space for God’s peace to settle into us, not just mentally or spiritually, but physically too.
There’s this beautiful verse in Philippians 4:6-7 that talks about presenting our anxieties to God through prayer and thanksgiving, and then experiencing a peace that transcends understanding—a peace that will guard our hearts and minds. I’ve come to believe that this peace isn’t just meant for our thoughts. It’s meant to inhabit our bodies as well.
When I practice progressive muscle relaxation now, I often pair it with breath prayers or simple scripture phrases. As I release the tension in my shoulders, I might whisper, “Cast your burdens on the Lord.” As I relax my jaw, “Be still and know that I am God.” It transforms the technique from a simple stress management tool into a form of embodied prayer.
Jesus himself understood the connection between body and spirit. He withdrew to quiet places to pray. He rested. He invited his exhausted disciples to come away and rest awhile. He knew that our physical state affects our spiritual receptivity. Progressive muscle relaxation is one way we can prepare our bodies to receive the peace God offers.
How to Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation: A Step-by-Step Guide
Let me walk you through the technique I use. I’ve adapted it over the years to fit what works best for me, and I encourage you to do the same. There’s no perfect way to do this—only the way that helps you find release and calm.
Finding Your Starting Position
First, find a comfortable place where you won’t be interrupted for 15-20 minutes. I usually practice PMR lying on my bed or sitting in my favorite reading chair with my feet flat on the floor. Bailey, my rescue dog, has learned that when I settle into “that position,” it’s quiet time, and he curls up nearby.
You can close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or simply soften your gaze. Take a few deep breaths to settle in. There’s no rush here. This time is yours.
The Basic Pattern
For each muscle group, you’ll follow this simple pattern:
- Tense the muscles firmly but not painfully for about 5 seconds
- Notice what that tension feels like
- Release completely and notice the difference for 10-15 seconds
- Take a slow breath before moving to the next group
The key word here is “notice.” This isn’t about forcing anything or being perfect. It’s about paying attention to the sensations in your body—both the tension and the relief.
Working Through Your Body
I typically start with my hands and work my way up through my body, but you can begin wherever feels right. Here’s the progression I use:
Start by making tight fists with both hands. Squeeze firmly, feeling the tension in your fingers, palms, and the tops of your hands. Hold it… and then release. Let your fingers uncurl slowly. Notice how different your hands feel when they’re relaxed compared to when they were tensed.
Next, focus on your arms. Bend your elbows and tense your biceps, as if you’re showing off your muscles. Feel that tightness all the way from your hands to your shoulders. Hold it… and release. Let your arms rest heavily, feeling the weight of them settle.
Move to your shoulders and neck—this is where I carry most of my stress. Raise your shoulders up toward your ears, really scrunching them up. Feel the tension across your shoulder blades and up into your neck. Hold… and then drop them completely. Let them fall and sink down. This one usually makes me sigh with relief.
For your face, squeeze your eyes shut tightly and scrunch up your whole face toward the center. Your forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks—everything tenses together. Hold that funny face… and then smooth it all out. Feel your facial muscles soften and your forehead release.
Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth and clench your jaw. This is another major tension-holder for many of us. Feel that tightness… and then let your jaw go slack, your tongue rest easy, your teeth separate slightly.
Tilt your head back gently and feel the tension in the back of your neck. Hold it briefly… then bring your head back to a comfortable position and notice the release.
Take a deep breath and hold it, feeling your chest and ribs expand. Hold… and then exhale completely, letting your chest and stomach soften.
Tighten your stomach muscles, pulling them in toward your spine. Hold that tension… and release, letting your belly be soft and natural.
Press your buttocks together and tighten your hip muscles. Hold… and release, feeling them sink into whatever you’re sitting or lying on.
Straighten your legs and point your toes away from you, tensing your thighs and calves. Hold… and release, letting your legs rest heavily.
Finally, pull your toes up toward your shins, feeling the tension in your feet and lower legs. Hold… and release completely.
Making It Work for Your Life
Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I first started: you don’t have to do the full sequence every time. On days when I’m particularly anxious, I might run through the complete progression. But other times, I just focus on the areas where I’m holding the most tension—usually my shoulders, jaw, and hands.
I keep the technique in my anxiety toolkit for different situations. Before a stressful meeting, I’ll do a quick version in my car, focusing on my shoulders and hands. When I wake up at 3 AM with my mind racing, I use PMR to help my body remember it’s safe to rest. During my prayer time in the morning, I’ll sometimes do a slower, more meditative version while reflecting on God’s peace.
The beauty of progressive muscle relaxation is its flexibility. You can practice it silently during a difficult conversation (just tensing and releasing your hands under the table), or you can make it a full evening ritual before bed.
Common Challenges and How to Navigate Them
Let me be honest about the obstacles I’ve encountered, because I don’t want you to get discouraged if this doesn’t feel magical right away.
At first, you might find it hard to isolate specific muscle groups. That’s completely normal. I remember trying to tense just my biceps and somehow my whole body would engage. With practice, it gets easier to focus on individual areas.
Some people feel more anxious when they first start paying attention to their body sensations. If this happens to you, start with shorter sessions—maybe just five minutes focusing on your hands and shoulders. Build up gradually as your comfort increases.
There were times when I’d tense my muscles and then couldn’t seem to release them fully. My body was so used to holding tension that letting go felt foreign, even scary. If this resonates with you, try adding a gentle mental cue when you release: “Let go,” “Soften,” or “Release.” Pairing the physical action with a verbal cue can help your body understand what you’re asking it to do.
You might also find that certain areas of your body seem to resist relaxation no matter what you do. That’s okay. Just notice it without judgment and move on. Sometimes our bodies need time to learn trust again.
Combining PMR with Other Faith Practices
What transformed progressive muscle relaxation from a helpful technique into a spiritual practice for me was learning to combine it with my faith. I’ve discovered a few approaches that deepen both the physical and spiritual benefits.
Try pairing each muscle group with a specific worry or burden you’re carrying. As you tense your shoulders, acknowledge the weight you’ve been carrying there. As you release, imagine handing that burden to God. It’s a physical way of practicing what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
You can also use PMR as a body-based form of centering prayer. Choose a simple phrase like “God’s peace” or “I am held.” As you tense each area, breathe in the first word (“God’s”), and as you release, breathe out the second (“peace”). The rhythm of tension and release mirrors the rhythm of receiving and releasing in prayer.
I love doing progressive muscle relaxation while listening to worship music or peaceful instrumental hymns. The combination of physical release, soothing sound, and spiritual focus creates a powerful environment for God’s peace to settle over me.
The Science Behind Why This Works
Now, I’m not a medical doctor, but I’ve done enough reading and talking with professionals to understand some of the science behind why progressive muscle relaxation is so effective for anxiety.
When we practice PMR, we’re essentially interrupting our body’s stress response system. That constant muscle tension is part of our sympathetic nervous system being stuck in “on” mode. By deliberately tensing and then releasing muscles, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the part that helps us rest and digest and calm down.
Regular practice of progressive muscle relaxation has been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce the frequency of anxiety symptoms, and improve sleep quality. It helps break the cycle where anxious thoughts create physical tension, which then reinforces anxious thoughts.
But here’s what matters most to me: it works. I’ve experienced it countless times. I’ve watched the technique help friends and clients who were struggling with panic attacks, chronic worry, and stress-related physical symptoms. The research is valuable, but the lived experience is what makes me a true believer.
When to Practice and How Often
I get asked this question all the time: how often should you practice progressive muscle relaxation for it to really help with anxiety?
The honest answer is that even a single session can provide immediate relief. But for lasting change—for teaching your body a new, more relaxed baseline—regular practice makes a big difference.
I try to do a full PMR session three to four times a week, usually in the evening as part of my wind-down routine. On other days, I might do abbreviated versions when I notice tension building. The key is consistency without pressure. This isn’t another thing you should feel anxious about doing perfectly.
Some of my favorite times to practice are during my morning quiet time, right after work to transition out of professional mode, or right before bed to help my body prepare for sleep. I’ve also found that practicing when I’m relatively calm helps me remember the technique more easily when anxiety strikes suddenly.
Building Your Own Practice
What I want you to know is that progressive muscle relaxation is deeply personal. The way I practice it might look different from how it works best for you, and that’s not just okay—it’s exactly how it should be.
Start simple. Maybe just focus on your hands, shoulders, and jaw for a week. Get comfortable with the basic pattern of tense-hold-release. Then gradually expand to include more muscle groups as it feels natural.
Keep a little journal if it helps. I jot down quick notes after my PMR sessions—which areas held the most tension, what thoughts came up, how I felt afterward. Over time, you’ll start to notice patterns and see progress.
Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. There were times I’d tense my left bicep when I meant to tense my right one, or I’d forget which muscle group I’d just finished. It doesn’t matter. The practice itself is what creates the benefit, not the perfect execution.
And please, be gentle with yourself. Some days PMR will feel amazing, like a cool drink of water for your stressed-out nervous system. Other days it might feel harder to connect with, or you might not notice as much relief. Both experiences are okay. You’re still showing up for yourself, still creating space for peace to enter.
Finding Hope in the Simple Things
As I finish writing this, I’m sitting in my favorite chair with a cup of coffee—my third this morning, which my husband says is two too many—and I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come. There was a time when the idea of calming my anxiety felt impossible. When my body was wound so tight I couldn’t imagine what relaxation even felt like.
Progressive muscle relaxation was one of the bridges that carried me from that place of constant tension to where I am now—not anxiety-free, but equipped. Not without struggles, but with tools that actually help. Not perfect, but present in my own body in a way I wasn’t before.
This technique won’t cure anxiety. I want to be clear about that because false promises help no one. But it can give you moments of relief. It can teach your body that relaxation is possible. It can create small pockets of calm in the midst of the storm. And sometimes, that’s exactly what we need to take the next breath, say the next prayer, and keep moving forward.
God meets us in these practical, embodied moments. He doesn’t just care about our spiritual state while ignoring our racing hearts and tense shoulders. The peace He offers is meant to inhabit every part of us—mind, body, and spirit.
So I encourage you to try this simple practice. Find a quiet moment today, even just five minutes. Start with your hands. Notice the tension. Notice the release. And in that small act of attention and care for your body, know that you’re creating space for God’s peace to do its work.
Your body is holding more than you realize. Maybe it’s time to teach it how to let go.
